Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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