totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
