my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
