Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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