Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
...so i touched it.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
