I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
