He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
