the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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