Don't you send me to vm
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
