Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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