oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
