I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Please don't give away my fajitas
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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