Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
