I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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