I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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