Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
