I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
