Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
