I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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