I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
