Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
