i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
