My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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