First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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