Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
