I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
