im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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