you win again, gameday.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
