i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
