I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
