Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
