would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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