he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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