if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
