I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
