I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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