I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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