I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
