tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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