just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
