ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
