Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
