i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
