i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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