I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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