Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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