dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize