No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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