I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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