You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
