Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
