I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
