How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
