You smell like a Billy Joel song
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
