Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
