We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
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