Duck Duck Cougar?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
