I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
