alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
