my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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