So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
