I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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