I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
