I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
