I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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