True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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