maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize