Where did you get a picture of my penis
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
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