I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
