shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
