Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
