; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Screwed.edu
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
