I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
