Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize