So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
