I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize