just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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