for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
