I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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