I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
