My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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