I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize