When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
