nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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